New Year's Resolve

Happy 2013.
We made it into the new year
We got past the dire predictions and the holiday hoopla.
Yay.

Admittedly, this is a great time for reflection (what worked last year & what didn't) and resetting things (boundaries, goals & the PVR).

How are those resolutions coming along?  How's your resolve? 

I usually don't make new year's resolutions, but this year, I did.  Maybe it was the persistent reminder that our time on the planet is finite (thank you Mayan's). 

Looking for direction, the wise words of a teacher popped into my head....  'When we really want to do something, we find a way to do it.  The opposite works, too.  When we don't want to do something, we will find a way not to.  How we feel about something will override our willpower (immediately or eventually*)."
 * my words added.

Using that theory,  I looked at what I really wanted for this year; how I wanted to be. 
My goal:  I want to be healthier this year.  I considered why that was important to me and how I would feel about being healthier. Yes, I know, the word 'healthier' is subjective; not a specific, measurable goal, like say, 'I need to lose 10 pounds', or 'I have to walk 1 mile a day, or eat less chocolate'.

Instead - when I say to myself "I want to be healthier.", it can include what I eat, my activities, how much sleep I get, who I spend time with, how I get places and what I do for myself.  And guess what - somehow, I find myself wanting to practice yoga in the morning, reaching for an apple when I'm hungry for something sweet and choosing to walk to the grocery store.  That doesn't mean that sometimes I only do yoga for 15 minutes,  enjoy a piece of dark chocolate or take the bus/car when it's raining...... but it does mean that I'm engaged and each time I do something that promotes my health, I feel good about it.

What makes this different than the wording of a lot of 'resolutions', are the words 'I want to' (and meaning it). 

When we feel pressured or guilted-into, or manipulated into doing something - we begin to feel resentful and look for ways to get out of doing what ever it is - that can include resistance, avoidance or out-right rebellion.  Not a happy situation.  We notice feelings of anger, frustration, sadness, guilt, revenge, resentment, disappointment welling up inside us...... all very negative feelings that are usually paired up with negative words we say to ourselves.  This too often causes us to procrastinate, defer, delay, avoid, and quit.  When we're feeling that way, why would we want to do anything?

Wanting to do something trumps the duress of pressure.  It takes the heat off having to be perfect.  Somehow it also quiets my inner critic (when I slip up).  So the words I say to myself are kinder, more encouraging and generally more fun to hear.

So far this year, I have followed through - I am practicing yoga in the morning, am more aware of what I'm eating and have found myself choosing to walk places more.  The results may not be 'measurable' yet, but I do feel healthier and happier (that's a bonus!).  I'll keep you posted.

Human kindness

Ok - full disclosure - I'm sentimental.

In particular, at this time of year, I find myself feeling quite emotional.  Tears seem to spill quite easily.  Recently I watched the movie "Love Actually", and even though I've seen the film many times, I still find myself weeping during the 1st few minutes of the film.  It's the scene at in the Arrivals area of Heathrow airport,  Seeing people reunite is so moving - in particular the faces of grandparents when they see and hug their grandchildren - and it has me reaching for a tissue.  (Yes, same thing happens when I am in an actual airport, too).

So, this morning, rather than read the newspaper, I chose to look at this link of a photo essay (sent to me by a dear friend).  I hope you check it out.  It reminds me that there is great kindness, compassion and love in the world; that miracles (big and small) happen all the time; that we are capable of great courage in the face of adversity. 
It gives me hope.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/moments-that-restored-our-faith-in-humanity-this-y

And, in the words from the theme song from that movie, "Love is all around us; I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes......"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=meU4cxhdjJI

Let the spirit of Christmas fill your hearts.

Mindfulness

There is great power in being able to focus on one thing at a time.

When we quiet our mind and focus on the present moment, we engage more effectively with our environment and those around us.  Colors appear brighter, information is more easily retained, food tastes more flavorful, spoken words are more clearly heard, we are moved more easily by beauty and music.  We notice details, learn more efficiently, and connect more effectively to people and events.  We take in more information and are able to make better decisions.  

You could equate it to hearing the entire joke, not just the punchline.  Yes, it's much more enjoyable that way.

In our incredible desire to do, do, do - we often fall into the trap of trying to do, do, do everything at once.  We might believe we're getting more done, but ultimately multi-tasking often leaves us feeling unsatisfied and exhausted.  Herding cats is an image that comes to mind.

Here's a terrific article (December 16, 2012 NY Times) from an author of a book entitled "Mastermind:  How to Think Like Sherlock Holmes'.  Maria Konnikova writes about the power of focusing on one thing at a time, and the benefits (physical and mental) of mindfulness.

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/16/opinion/sunday/the-power-of-concentration.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

I encourage you to take a look at the article - and give yourself the gift of mindfulness today. 

Start with a few moments during the day and see where that leads.  Yes, you may need to gently remind yourself - that's ok.  The more you practice it, the easier it gets and more natural it becomes. 

There are so many ways to achieve mindfulness - meditation, self-hypnosis, a walk in the snow (really listen to your boots on the white stuff), prayer, singing (pay special attention to the lyrics), doing something you love to do (and really do it), etc.   Next time you have a conversation with someone, really listen.  If your mind slips away and begins to do a shopping list, or leaps ahead with a witty retort, gently bring yourself back and listen to what the person is saying.  You may be surprised by what you hear and how they respond to being heard.

An Affirmation

With the many things we are consumed by this time of year, this beautiful affirmation offers a gentle place to rest and replenish yourself.

I encourage you to spend a moment (how about right now!), take time for 4 or 5 delicious 'belly-breaths' and let the feeling of relaxation settle into your body.   Take it a step further and focus on the words 'calm', 'open', or the phrase 'accept all miracles and abundance' - with each inhale.  Notice how good that feels.

Safety  |  by Kris Carr

“I am safe and secure. I exhale any anxiety and inhale calm. As my world expands so do my heart and mind. I am willing to stay open and accept all the miracles and abundance the universe has to offer me.”



If you're interested in knowing more about Kris Carr - here's a link:
http://kriscarr.com/

It Gets Better

This link is to a story I found on Huffington Post today.  Within that story is a remarkable, inspiring video produced by the RCMP.  It's about the courage to be true to oneself, and the enormous power of acceptance and love. Kudos to everyone involved in the making of this video.  Through their words and actions, they are creating positive change in the world.  Pass it on!

http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2012/11/05/it-gets-better-rcmp-video_n_2079929.html?ref=topbar#slide=1722344

Find Some Joy Today

Funny where we find inspiration.  It's everywhere, I guess, and often shows up when we least expect it.

I saw this quote recently in a New York Times magazine.  It was a tiny article, but it packed a punch and stayed with me for days.  It inspired me to get over my, 'Oh, I'll get to it later' attitude about blogging. 

How to Find Joy in Life
"When I was in the hospital - I spent 8 months in rehab, and I almost died - I decided that I was going to make sure I had some fun every single day.  It might be a play or a movie, or it might be going by a gallery and seeing a show.  Often, it's eating.
Chuck Close

Why do we feel we have to wait for something dramatic to happen before we get to experience joy?  Why do we put it off?  Why not experience it every day; before (as Joni Mitchell so accurately sang) the Big Yellow Taxi shows up.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xWwUJH70ubM

Find some joy today.  You deserve it.

Think and Feel

There's the story I like to tell my clients...... It starts with....  "What ever you do - don't think about a pink elephant."

So, what happens?  We think about a pink elephant.

It's totally natural - it's the way our mind works.  We begin to notice more of what we think about.  

Notice the difference between saying "I feel good." VS "I don't feel bad."

When I say to myself "I feel good." - I think about all the ways (subconsciously and consciously) that I feel good. 

Saying "I don't feel bad." brings up a lot of 'Meh, well, ok, I don't feel bad, but I don't feel good, either..... I feel so, so.'

What are the words you use when you talk to yourself?  Are they encouraging, positive, supportive and loving?  Are they words you would use when talking to your best friend?  Our body follows our thoughts; how we feel is directly related to what we're thinking - and choosing our thoughts is one of the things we can control.

Choose today to find 3 things you are grateful for, 3 things that you like about yourself or your life.  Then notice how much easier it is to find 3 more.