Change is good

Yes, change is good.
That attitude can be tough to get to - especially when one is intimidated by the mechanics of it.

In this case - it's my embracing social media.

I've finally taken the leap and changed my website.

Along with fresh photos, some videos and a format that allows me to make changes to the content, it also includes a new way for me to Blog.

So, if you've been wondering where I've been for the past few months - check it out.

I hope you'll join me and my website and new blogging site.
http://nicoletteeushypnotheraphy.com

Patience - as taught to me by Menopause

Even as a kid – or maybe ESPECIALLY as a kid, Patience was never one of my virtues.  No matter how many times my mom would look at me, exasperated….. and say ‘Nicolette, be patient.’…… I never seemed to get it through my skull that I could NOT control the outcome of things.  I was certain that my impatience would make things work faster (like pushing the elevator a zillion times) or better.

So here I am – 40 some years later, and the theme of having patience has come back and tapped me on the shoulder again (though it feels like it's kicked me in the butt).

Patience.  What the heck is my hurry anyway?

Why am I so darned anxious to get older and through this stage of my life?

I must admit that I am a tad frustrated and confused with what appears to be a new version of my body.  The one I had a year or two ago responded differently to food and exercise than the one I’ve got now.  I don’t remember trading it in – and, when I look at photos of me from back then, I was pretty cute – healthy, toned, slim.  Why don't I feel that way now?

Menopause - It won't kill you. Ha ha.

What Menopause has taught me (that my mom never could) is that I can’t force my body to do anything it really doesn’t want to.  I’ve learned that yelling (or swearing) at it gets me no where, but in tears….. I’ve learned that the exercises I used to do so easily and with what seemed like almost immediate positive results, is now taking much, much – much longer.  There is progress, but it is frustratingly slow. 

What the heck?  Why isn’t this working?  What else do I have to do?  What I've read and am told is that this slowing down is normal, that my body’s metabolism has changed, that now there are enzymes in my body that are now responding differently?  What?  How can I control them?  I can’t.  They’re enzymes. 

What are my options?  I can continue to make myself miserable by saying nasty things (out loud or to myself) in efforts to give myself incentive (yeah, that doesn't work).  I can desperately clench onto what my body used to be like…… or, I can look at this whole thing as a big joke on me and figure out new ways to feel better and stay healthy.  

So, I'm trying new activities and have rediscovered the joy of bicycling. 

Time will continue to pass no matter what I do or say or think.  Why not embrace the new body I’ve got now.  It seems that the exercise and healthy food choices I’m making are having some positive impact.  The fact that it's taking longer to see and feel the results is a reality.

Now I'm saying 'Nicolette, be patient' with a smile.  The truth is, I am actually not in control of the inner workings and mysteries of this body.  So rather than resist and deny the changes that are a natural part of life, I am going to invite and embrace this new gal and see if there's something fun I can discover and learn about her….. gonna see if we can be friends.  With patience, I'm betting we can.
 

Giving kindness

Giving because you want to creates an abundant echo - and just like an echo is heard by many and returns to the sender - giving from a place of kindness benefits you, the person receiving the kindness and anyone else lucky enough to have witnessed it. Check out what Wayne Dyer has to say about kindness and yes, please pass it on (and on).

In fact, if you are a Twitterer - please use this hashtag.
#givingtuesday

“The positive effect of kindness on the immune system and on the increased production of serotonin in the brain has been proved on research studies. Serotonin is a naturally occurring substance in the body that makes us feel more comfortable, peaceful, and even blissful. In fact the role of most anti-depressants is to stimulate the serotonin production to alleviate depression. Research has shown that a simple act of kindness directed toward another improves the functioning of the immune system and stimulates production of serotonin in both the recipient of the kindness and the person extending the kindness. Even more amazing is that persons observing the act of kindness have similar beneficial results. Imagine this: kindness extended, received, or observed beneficially impacts the physical health and feelings of everyone involved.”

― Wayne Dyer

Reaction or Response?

As humans, we are hard-wired to avoid threats.  That's a good thing.  It serves us well, and is probably one of the reasons we are still on the planet. What ever you believe about how we started out, the truth is, there is always something out there that is bigger than us.

Faster than you can snap your fingers, the body reacts with Fight/Flight when we come up against or interpret something as a threat.

The key word here is 'interpret'.  These days, there's no chance of a real sabre tooth tiger considering us prey, however over time we've allowed more and more external stress to push us into that same anxiousness - and Fight/Flight reaction.  When you're aware of it, it's pretty easy to recognize the feeling of high alert…...Shortness of breath (panting or holding your breath), dry mouth, tense muscles, a feeling of alarm, clenched stomach (or nausea), shoulders up and around your ears, you're feeling defensive and reactive.  That's adrenaline and cortisol doing their thing.

There are stats saying we are now in that state 40 - 50 times a day!  Wow, that sounds exhausting.  Beyond the physical results of this sort of long-term stress, I wonder:

Do I make good decisions in this reactive state?  Do I want to be in a perpetual defensive stance of Fight/Flight?   Is that how I want to live my life?  

Absolutely not.

Yes, sometimes the threat is real.  And, it's important to protect oneself; recognize, respect and react appropriately to a real threat.

But often, we avoid decisions or experiences that we really want to have, because we are afraid of things that might happen.  Sometimes we imagine stuff or make things up because we are afraid of change or the unknown (or how others might respond).  Those darned 'what if's' and 'yah buts' can really limit us; hold us down and keep us in that state of fear.

Here's one way to get off the roller-coaster ride of Fight/Flight  Start by noticing when, where, how the F/F reaction is taking place.  Is it a real threat or is it something you're making up?  If it's something made up, take a 3 or 4 deep belly breaths, imagine you are mentally pushing 'Pause', and then ask yourself  'What's really going on here?  What is it really that makes me feel this way?'  Is it something that is within my control?  Can I do something about it now?  What do I want to do about it?  What would I rather experience in this moment?'

I'm not suggesting that we can (or should) suddenly throw caution to the wind.  I'm simply suggesting that when we begin to notice what's happening in our body, and then what we are really feeling, it gives us perspective and personal power.  Is it a sabre tooth tiger, or am I projecting my worry onto future events?  The future is unknown - we can plan and do our best, and then ultimately, we have to let events unfold.  We cannot control others or the future.  (Or as the great philosopher Mike Tyson told us, "Everyone's got a plan, until they get punched in the nose.") All we can ever really control is our response, our thoughts, our selves.

When we show ourself compassion, and allow for a moment to pause, we begin to notice how we're really feeling (what is underneath the reaction), and begin to feel more in control of our life.  It's not magic and typically doesn't happen overnight, but with practice this reflection helps us become more aware of our reactions sooner - and we can gently re-direct our thoughts, avoid saying things we'd regret, and move toward more of what we would rather experience.

And that makes it much easier to answer the question, 'How do I really want to live my life?'

Teeter Totter

Full disclosure - I'm having a blue day.  No reason I can come up with - ok, maybe one.  And it's not helping that I am beating myself up about it - feeling frustrated (and disappointed) with myself about feeling blue.  

When does the teeter of sadness shift to the totter of joy?  
Where is the tipping point?   How do we find it?

Maybe it starts with one thought, one step, one shift ...… 
But then, maybe it is more than that.  Maybe it's all of them, or the cascade of them or the series of them or the intermittent tip tap of them.  Is it one thing or a combo-pack that occurs?  Is it one-a-day or a year's supply all at once?

Life can feel overwhelming at times.  Even with all the tools we've got, sometimes we feel stuck or afraid, unsure or just sad.  Sometimes it doesn't appear reasonable or logical.  And, maybe in the moment, it doesn't matter why.

The truth is, we get to choose how we feel.

We can feel the emotion and then judge it (I'm so bad, I should know better, I'm an adult, what's wrong with me, blah, blah, blah) - and jump on the hamster wheel of self-reproach.

We can allow ourselves to just sit with it and experience how we feel.

And when this is done with compassion - without judgement - it can be an effective way to honour ourselves and feel relief.

Another option is to gently shift our focus by taking one step, making one move, doing one new thing - or doing something differently.  Engaging with one new action that takes us in the direction of something positive or new can help us feel more connected, free, present and powerful (we did make a choice, after all).   And by taking one new action step in the direction of something positive or new..... we can feel more productive and capable, which leads to a more positive outlook.

In my case - it was to reach out, write this blog and share this experience.  And, yes, I do feel better, lighter and seem to be breathing more fully.

So, maybe it doesn't matter whether the tipping point is one thing, a few things or an avalanche of things.  As long as we keep getting up in the morning, putting on clean underpants and taking that first step.  That one will lead to the next one and then then next... it can even lead us toward a new connection or path that was there all along.  

Shifting Gears

This week, I'm in Northern California with my husband.  He's at a conference, so I had the day and the car to myself.  I went out on my own for a drive with no destination in mind.  There are some small towns nearby and lots of vineyards; I don't know the area at all, but still I headed out - with a map from the front desk.  It's a pretty lousy map, as it turns out - and it didn't help that I need my reading glasses to see the tiny weeny road names….

Here's what happened on the 4 hour drive; many a back road was traveled.  I got lost - a lot, took many wrong turns, asked for directions, spoke to strangers, discovered interesting little stores, stopped at a cafe & left when I wasn't keen on it (this is odd for me, since I usually give cafes the benefit of the doubt because I think "Who knows when I'll find another one").  I found a better one & had an iced coffee.  Refreshed, I continued and went to the Info Center & got a couple of different maps. Back in the car, I kept driving and pulled over a lot to check the maps.  FINALLY, I decided to toss the maps aside, retraced my steps and found my way back to the hotel after having met some friendly people & seen some beautiful countryside, quaint markets and interesting neighborhoods.

OK - that might not sound like much - but here's the biggest part of it.  I had fun the whole time & it felt like an adventure.  I took my time, was patient & trusted myself; just kept driving & had faith that I'd figure it out.  I rolled the windows down and the stereo up and just enjoyed the ride.  I did NOT at any time berate myself or put myself down when I got lost (not even with a joke); nothing self-depricating at all……. THAT is HUGE……

That's PROGRESS!

I guess it's true that sometimes you don't know you've made a new choice until you look back and can see your footprints have moved in a fresh direction….. and there you are doing things differently.

Feed the Monkey

Ha - bet you're wondering about that title.
Well, the experience goes back about a year, but I was reminded of it recently during a conversation with someone - we were talking about what to do with annoying mind-chatter during mindfulness practices like meditation or yoga.

I love Hatha Yoga - have been practicing for many, many years and find it grounding, calming and energizing.

One morning last Spring, I was standing on my mat considering my intention for the day - and up popped a negative thought, and then another, and then another.  These thoughts were all about one issue (something I was worrying about).  I did my best to brush them away; mentally swatting at them.  Now that I say that, it sounds pretty funny, but at the time, it was very frustrating and aggravating.  I thought, 'Grrrrrrr - go away, go away.  I can't be present and focus on my yoga because I'm flailing around at these thoughts.  My attention is being pulled away and now I'm mad at myself for letting this happen.'

The mental image that came to me was a little monkey - one of those little capuchin monkeys with long tails and inquisitive faces (they also make incessant little chirps).  That's what those thoughts were to me.  My head was filled with that with no room for anything else.

The more I mentally tried to brush the monkey away - shoo it, chase it, yell at it….. the more it poked at me, becoming even more frantic.  It was on the left, then the right, then under me, above me - I was getting poked at from every angle.

After a few more minutes of these mental gymnastics, I'd had enough.  Exasperated, I finally gave up and stopped flailing and said, "OK - Enough - What is it?  What do you need?"

Immediately, it felt like he'd stopped poking me.  He calmed down and then asked for a banana.  I remember laughing out loud and then imagined giving him what he asked for.  What a relief.  He took it and hopped up into a tree and sat there the rest of the time, while I enjoyed my entire yoga flow in peace.

OK - so what does that mean?  It may sound kooky, but the instant I stopped denying the thoughts and fighting them  - when I surrendered and really paid attention and acknowledged those feelings, there was a sense of relief and I could let them go.  The monkey got what it needed and was free.  I got what I needed - peace - and was then able to be present and focus on what I really wanted to do.

Our mind-chatter can sometimes feel like that little monkey - jittering, chattering, relentless, poking - pulling our focus away, wearing us down.  Instead of denying it and pushing it away, consider noticing it and then letting it go.

No matter where you are or what you're doing - if you find that the mind-chatter is taking you away from what you really want to do or would rather think about, consider giving yourself a moment to stop and ask yourself - 'Ok, what is it? What do I need right now to feel better?'  Sometimes we don't know until we ask.  This can take practice, but consider the benefits.  And, heck, if you really want to go back to those old thoughts, you can do that later.  You might even find that giving yourself a chance to let them go for a few moments gives you a fresh perspective.

Happy Valentine's Day

So often Valentine's Day is a time where we are either busy doing something for someone else (so they'll feel loved) or waiting for someone to give us something that shows us we are loved.

How about this Valentine's Day you celebrate a new love - YOU!

Louise Hay has some affirmations (see link below) - and a heartfelt suggestion….. one that I must admit I really have to consciously work at.  Here’s her Valentine to us: 

Stop criticizing yourself—now and forevermore. 

Ack - Easier said than done, but I think with practice we can get better and better at it.  Don't you?  One way is to begin to be more compassionate and kind to ourselves in words & actions.

We can start with giving ourselves permission to do something nice for ourself today (and then the next day and the next).  Try this - Do one thing a day that makes you smile or feel good.  That could be a quiet moment alone, enjoying a cup of delicious tea, reading a good book, meditating, engaging in a fun activity, spending time in nature, listening to a favourite song, doing something you love to do, allowing yourself to be pampered or receiving a gift graciously.  

Begin to fall in love with yourself.   Or, at least  in 'like'.  Whether it's like or love - find 1 thing about yourself (a trait, capability, attribute, skill or the fact you have beautiful eyes) that you admire and own it.  Admit it - you have loveable qualities.  Yes, you do.  We all do.  Of course, none of us are perfect - and that's OK!   With practice, you'll find & recognize more and more of these loveable traits and accepting of the others.

And as Louise also says:

Love and accept yourself as you are right now.  When you do, you’ll blossom in ways that you can’t even imagine. Love will heal you, I promise. Your love for yourself will work miracles in your life.

http://contentz.mkt5657.com/mson/2014/02/12/8Sbj6ume8ZuE/index.html

Here's to love in all of it's forms.  Happy Valentine's Day!

Things I Learned From Bodysurfing

This winter, my husband and I had a most excellent adventure, that included traveling to Australia and experiencing the wonders of the Sunshine Coast (it's on the East coast of the country, between Brisbane and the Great Barrier Reef).  There the waters of the Coral Sea are amazing; clear, warm and welcoming.

I'm not much of a swimmer (the dog paddle is my go-to stroke), but that didn't stop me from jumping in and enjoying the ocean.  Here's what I learned - funny now that I look at it, surfing is a lot like life.

1. Know the rules - for example: swim between the flags - avoid sunrise/sunset (the sharks are grocery shopping at those times).

2. Respect - the ocean - that means being present & alert.  Don't turn your back on the ocean - ever.

3. Not all of the waves that come by are meant for bodysurfing.  It's ok to let them go by.  There will be another one, in no time; one that's even better.

4. Timing is everything.  Too soon and you miss the peak, too late and, well, you miss the peak.

5. It's ok to not know how to do something well and still enjoy yourself.  Sometimes just being out there giving it your all is enough.  In fact, most times that is where the pleasure comes.

6. Be open, watch and learn the ropes from the locals (plus see #1).

7. If the perfect wave comes by and you miss it - that's ok, there will be another one.

8. If the perfect wave comes by and 'dumps' you onto the beach - that's ok, pull your bathing suit bottoms up and get back in there.

9.   Let all that comparing and fear of looking like a goofball go.  Let it go. NO ONE (other than the lifeguard) is watching you.  They're all out there looking for their perfect wave to surf on and trying to avoid getting 'dumped'. 

10. If you find yourself 'dumped' by a wave, with your suit around your ankles, your mouth full of sea water and sand in your (parts)…. at that moment, you get to choose.  You can you can cry, you can wait for someone to notice and feel sorry for you, or you can pull your pants up, spit out the water, clear off the sand and get back out there.  

11. Some people are happy just watching from shore - and THAT IS OK.  Wave and smile.  Maybe they will be encouraged to try it simply by watching how much fun you're having.

12. Notice when it's time to take a rest and do that.  You can always jump back in later.

13. Don't assume all ocean water is equal.  I have lived in Vancouver and have never swam in the water here (it's waaay too cold for me).  The Coral Sea is many degrees warmer.  I wouldn't have found that out without jumping in.

14. Ocean water is incredibly buoyant.  Like, wow, at times I felt like I didn't even have to try - it just held me up.

15. The best surfing I did was when I was most relaxed.

16. You can't control the ocean - really.  You may think you can, but nope, you can't.  It's best to surrender that belief as soon as possible and move on.

17. Sometimes the wave you thought would only be 'meh' is the one you enjoy bodysurfing the most, takes you you the farthest and is the easiest to ride.

18. Sometimes the wave you thought would be perfect - isn't.

19.  Wear water-proof sunscreen (minimum 30).

20. Have FUN.  It really is up to you!

21. It's liberating to allow yourself 'one more wave'.

22. It's ok to give yourself permission to feel like a kid and really enjoy yourself (see #21).

23. It really doesn't matter how anyone else is surfing - or what they're doing….. you get to choose the wave….. you get to ride it (or not)……. you get to decide what you want to do & how to feel.

24. When I relaxed and allowed the ocean to carry me, I had the most wonderful, joyful rides.

25. When I tried to force it (ha ha), is when I most often found myself on my ass, getting dumped, spitting out salt water & frantically pulling my bathing suit back on.  Sometimes (dumb luck?) it worked and I did glide for a while, but most often I got schooled.

26.  You don't have to be an olympic swimmer to really enjoy yourself in the water.  Be smart, surf with a friend, stay within the flags, be present and respectful of the ocean and start with what feels ok, right and safe.  Soon, you'll find yourself with an enormous grin on your face saying - 'ok, just one more wave!'.