Oooops - I messed up

We all make mistakes.

Funny, how easy it is to forgive others and reassure them that stuff happens.... that they are doing the best they can with what they've got; to err is human and all that.  We are so much more kind towards others than we are towards ourselves when we trip up.

It's easy to say to others. 'Let it go.  Nobody is perfect.  Apologize, fix it, learn from the mistake and move on; do better next time.'

So - What do you say to yourself when you make a mistake?  What words do you use?  What about the tone?

Well, I goofed up today; a mistake that no one else will ever know about.  It might not seem like much to anyone else.  But, I know about it and it feels big.  The first thing I noticed was that I felt like I'd been kicked in the gut and I held my breath - nausea followed closely and then the words started flooding in.  I was yelling hurtful & recriminating words at myself (out loud and in my head).  That produced feelings of regret, disappointment, dismay, embarrassment and sadness.

Blech.  That's not the environment or attitude I want to create for myself. 

What did I do?
Well, I ran away.  I dove right into my bathtub (with bubbles).  In that moment it seemed like the safest place for me.  Safe yes, but I continued to beat myself up (verbally) for a bit.  Then, as I sat there in the hot, soothing water, trying to relax, I had a little chat with myself and realized that the angry words and feelings were futile and all that was happening is that I was punishing myself.

So, I imagined a conversation with the person and sincerely apologized for the slight.  Then I realized why I had done what I'd done - what my motivation was.  Fear and judgement.  There, I said it.  Fear and judgement had led me to react in a way that goes against how I really want to be - loving and open, accepting and fair. 

No wonder I felt like I'd been kicked in the gut. 

Once I had realized why, I felt a bit better, because that helps me figure out what exactly caused my fear - what it was that caused me to feel threatened.   Aha.  So, that begs the question.  Is that threat real?  NO.  It's imagined, but it goes deep because ultimately, it shows me that I have some work to do in the area of abundance.

So, what do I do next?  Like I said, this error of mine may never be known by another soul.  So, there is really nothing to 'fix'.  What do I do now?  I want to move on - learn from this and let it go.  I cannot change the past.  What is done, is done.  The next step is to forgive myself for my own misjudgement - for not being perfect.

Ha - why is it so much easier to forgive others?

Maybe it's time for another bath.